Remember that time you invited all of your girlfriends over to watch the collected works of Woody Allen and forgot to mention it to your partner who was looking forward to watching the game? Or the time you happened to exploit the fact that he used your computer and forgot to sign out of his email? I’m not saying it’s always YOUR fault, but there are certain moments in a relationship when it might be helpful to apologize. So just how important are apologies and what’s the best way to go about making them?
Dr. Guy Grenier, a psychologist and marital therapist, says apologies serve a lot of important purposes. First, they’re an indication that someone isn’t right all of the time and that they acknowledge that. Second, apologizing can make clear that you’re concerned about your partner’s welfare, which is a basic, but fundamental, point that needs to be made over and over in a relationship. Third, apologies can help to de-escalate conflict.
Is fear of breaking up (FOBU) keeping you in the wrong relationship?
A key part of apologizing is a full acknowledgement of what you did wrong, and why your partner is upset. “We act the way we act, but it lands on our partners in different ways and it’s important to understand how our partner receives our actions,” says Catherine Morris, a psychotherapist. “When we do something, there’s an immediate reaction from our partner related to their sense of feeling loved and okay. We can have an almost visceral alarm that goes off – even if our partner has no idea that this is happening.”
Though most of us are eager to ease the tension (read: let’s stop this fussing and fighting and get back to eating this leftover pie), that doesn’t mean that an apology is always warranted. “It’s not appropriate just keep saying ‘I’m sorry’ for everything,” says Morris.
“It’s appropriate when you become aware that your partner is truly wounded. If you’re not sincerely sorry, it should invite some dialogue.” Morris adds that you should, at least, be interested in understanding why your partner is wounded. Too many arguments are focused on each partner breathlessly trying to get his or her own point across without actually listening to the other person.
It’s also worth noting that not every conflict requires an apology — especially if it’s not sincere. People who live together can expect their needs to clash on occasion, and that doesn’t mean you should apologize for having your own set of needs. “Apologizing can be really bad communication,” says Dr. Grenier. “There are people who apologize for everything, and it can be related to assertiveness and self-esteem issues. It can send subtle messages that my needs are not as important as yours.”
And what about when it comes to accepting an apology? While most of us are eager to move beyond conflict, that’s hard to do if you feel that the apology isn’t sincere and that your partner is simply trying to placate you. Dr. Grenier suggests that it can be helpful if we abandon our obsession with forgiveness.
“Forgiveness says you did something wrong but that’s okay,” he says. “And it’s not. It requires the forgiver to lie to both themselves and the other person. The reality is that people who love us will hurt us — but we don’t have to say that it’s okay. Reconciliation is possible, and acceptance of imperfection and that our needs are at odds with other people. We shouldn’t apologize for our own needs, but we should apologize for being thoughtless or careless.”
In the end, as Morris points out, being sorry for something isn’t just about words; it’s also reflected in your behaviour. “When my daughter was young, she would do something and then very quickly say sorry,” says Morris. “I would say that I’m more interested in seeing your behaviour change. It’s easy to say sorry, it’s harder to spend the time to understand why you’ve hurt someone and to work on not hurting them again.”
Saying sorry isn’t always easy, so here are some tips:
1. The best way to apologize is “quick and intense,” according to Dr. Grenier. The longer you wait to apologize, the longer you prolong a conflict.
2. Don’t say you’re sorry if you don’t mean it. “Apologies have to be real,” says Morris. They have to be from the heart and the person being apologized to has to feel like the person apologizing gets it.”
3. It can help to show genuine interest in why your partner is hurt; try asking some questions about why they feel the way they feel and what would make them feel better.
4. Take full responsibility for hurting your partner’s feelings, and explain what you might do differently to avoid doing the same thing in the future.
5. Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough. Work on truly understanding why your partner feels hurt and trying to change any hurtful patterns.
12 Unbelievable Health Benefits of Green Chillies: Zero Calories, But Packed With Vitamins
Raw, fried, roasted in your tadkas or added to curries, this little spice is not only delicious but also rich in so many vitamins. It comes with a pack of health benefits
that it almost seems unbelievable.
Let’s look at some healing benefits this humble spice offers:
1. We should begin with the ultimate benefit – i.e. green chillies come with zero calories. In fact, they speed up one’s metabolism as much as 50% for up to three hours after eating.
2. Protection against cancer: Green chillies are loaded with antioxidants, that protect the body against free radicals by acting as natural scavengers. Green chillies can also keep prostate problems
3. Green chillies also exert a number of beneficial effects on the cardiovascular system
. Specifically, it reduces the likelihood of developing atherosclerosis by reducing blood cholesterol and triglyceride levels and platelet aggregation, as well as increasing fibrinolytic activity. Fibrinolytic activity refers to the ability to prevent formation of blood clots, which can lead to a heart attack or stroke.
4. Interestingly enough capsaicin, found in green chillies although hot to taste, has been shown to lower body temperature
by stimulating the cooling center of the hypothalamus in the brain. This explains why, even in very hot places like India, green chillies are consumed.
5. Capsaicin in green chillies has a stimulating effect on the mucus membranes of the nose and sinuses. Capsaicin stimulates blood flow through the membranes and causes mucus secretion to become thinner. This action makes it beneficial in combating the common cold or sinus infections
6. The heat produced by the chillies, act as an effective pain reliever, as a digestive and anti-ulcer aid. Although, people with active peptic ulcer may be bothered by “spicy foods”.
7. Loaded with Vitamin C and beta-carotene, green chillies are great for healthy eyes, skin and immune system
. Make sure to store the green chillies at a dark cool area because chillies lose their Vitamin C, when they are exposed to heat, light and air.
8. When eaten, green chillies release endorphins that boosts the mood
, and reduces pain.
9. Green chillies are proven to balance blood sugar levels
. If you are diabetic, this may be your answer to healthy diet.
10. Green chillies are a natural source of iron
, and a rich source for iron deficient people.
11. Green chillies have a lot of antibacterial properties
and can help treat skin infections.
12. Green chillies are rich in Vitamin K that help decrease your risk of osteoporosis and of bleeding dangerously
when you are cut out or injured.
Phew! Add green chillies generously to all your meals, not just to enhance flavor, but also to give you all these health and medicinal benefits
. The clincher? With zero calories, it helps dieters achieve their goals faster too.
About the Author:
Shilpa Arora ND is a renowned Health Practitioner, Nutritionist and certified Macrobiotic Health Coach. She has to her credit Doctorate in Natural Medicine. She is currently based in Delhi NCR region, successfully running her Nutrition Studio with individual consultations, offering life style programs supported by the most up-to-date clinical research.
The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. NDTV is not responsible for the accuracy, completeness, suitability, or validity of any information on this article. All information is provided on an as-is basis. The information, facts or opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same. The products linked inline are neither approved nor suggested by the author.
Celebrating the Baptism of Christ, every January 19th (January 20 during leap year), Timkat is the greatest colorful festival of Orthodox Christians in Eritrea. It celebrates the Baptism of Christ in the River Jordan by John the Baptist. Timkat is a three-day affair and all the ceremonies are conducted with great pomp. The eve of Timket is called Ketera. This is when the Tabots of each church are carried out in procession to a river or pool of water where the next day’s celebration will take place. A special tent is set up where each Tabot rests as members of the church choirs chant hymns. This is accompanied by a special dance by the priests with their prayer sticks and sistera, the beating of drums, ringing of bells, and blowing of trumpets.
The Tabot symbolizes the Ark of the Covenant and the tablets of the Law, which Moses received on Mount Sinai. It is the Tabot rather than the church building, which is consecrated, and it is accorded extreme reverence. When the Tabot is carried out, it is wrapped in brocade or velvet “like the mantle of Christ” and carried on the head of a priest with colorful ceremonial umbrellas shading it. The priests pray through out the cold night and mass is performed about 2:00 am the next day. Near dawn the people go to the water and attend the prayers. After the prayer, a senior priest uses a golden processional cross to bless the water and extinguishes a burning consecrated candle in the water. Then he sprinkles the water on the assembled congregation in commemoration of Christ’s baptism. Many of the more fervent leap fully dressed into the water to renew their vows.
After the baptism, the Tabots of each church, start their way back to their respective churches. The elders march solemnly, accompanied by singing, leaping priests and young men, the beating of staffs and prayer sticks recalling the ancient rites of the Old Testament (11 Sam.Chap.6)
By Mike Seium
Amazing achievements that were due to pay dividends in time are starting to bear fruit in 2017 already. Young Eritreans by heritage are embarking on great success stories in the international soccer arena.
A 19 year old midfielder and play maker who was a member of the Swedish champion from last year IFK Norrkoping has been bought by Belgian premiere league team “KAA Gent” also known as “The Buffalo“.
This move comes at a time when another Eritrean star Alexander Isak is being courted by one of the world’s top teams Real Madrid.
Tess as he is known by his nick name was born in Eritrea and went to Sweden at a young age where he excelled as a player through the Swedish youth academy. The very elated Belgian team expressed their satisfaction as they signed the midfielder to a contract for 3.5 years.
The team adds that “Tesfaldet Tekie is a young, talented midfielder of Eritrean origin who at the age of eight moved to Sweden.” Tekie was also praised by his new team as a creative midfielder with lots of skill and an excellent passer.
Norrkoping traded Tess for about 16 million Swedish Kronar according to some reliable sources. It is also to be noted that Heerenveen in the Dutch premier league and French first division Lille were interested in the young man.
Tesfaldet Tekie becomes one of IFK Norrkoping’s top trades in a long time. It is to be recalled that Tess also played 32 games in the Swedish premier league in two seasons. The young 19-year-old was also named to the U21 national team at a young age of 18. Congratulations to Tesfaldet for his incredible achievements.
Meanwhile in Holland, a young Eritrean-Dutch by the name of Hennos Asmelash made his debut when he came in the 87th minute for his team ADO Den Haag as they took on the very same team that was attempting to buy Tesfalidet Tekie from Sweden.
Hennos Asmelash making his debut in the Dutch Premier League.
After being picked on the senior selection squad during the winter training camp, the young Hennos left a good impression on manager Zeljko Petrovic who is the head of ADO Den Haag.
Hennos Asmelash made his debut in the Premier Dutch League when he came in for Trevor David. Hennos is a strong defender and his potential is unlimited. This past fall he was also included on the national squad of the Dutch under 18 for a friendly game against Italy at the San Giorgio Stadium in Caorle.
In a major turn of event between Wed. January 19th, 2017 and the next coming few days, the young Eritrean – Swede phenom Alexander Isak will be dotting the ink and finalizing his deal with Real Madrid. According to information from reliable sources, Real Madrid would like to keep Alexander in Spain and not allow him to go back to AIK.
He would then be playing and training with the B Team until summer time at which point he can join the main team. He would still have to fight for a slot for the right to play alongside Ronaldo. It is expected that Ronaldo may also be present at the signing and may confront Alexander about his recent statement that “Messi” of Barcelona was one of his favorite players in the spirit of sportsman. Whether Alexander stays in Sweden or leaves for Spain he is for sure to be an inspiration to millions of young people and Eritreans.
Focus on the things that you want to do and the sky is the limit. Sport is just one medium by which you can inspire people and become the best. It must be noted that it comes in hand with your well being and education.
Alexander and the other two stars along with Henok Goitom, Golgol Mebrhatu and others who have represented their Eritreanism have been outstanding citizens with good values. It is within that spirit that Eri-International sports wants to share their stories with you. We will continue to inspire and uplift so that more and more young athletes in every sport, young scientists, engineers, doctors, leaders, business executives and just plain good citizens are doing their share to help build a better world and contribute to their land of origin ERITREA even if it is just signing contracts.
Getting the name ERITREA out there is a huge contribution.
Within the spirit of the many people including those who had the opportunity to become great athletes and more but decided to help make sure that “ERITREA” stays independent and becomes a thriving nation, we should always keep that in mind.
Islamist militant group Boko Haram has said it was behind Monday’s twin suicide bombing at a university in north eastern Nigeria which killed two people.
A video featuring an audio recording purporting to be leader Abubakar Shekau was posted on social media late on Monday. Reuters was unable to verify if the voice was indeed his.
“The bomb that exploded on Monday morning, it’s our brothers responsible for it,” the recording said.
A professor at the University of Maiduguri and a child were killed and 17 people wounded in a twin suicide bombing, officials said on the day of the attack.
The group has stepped up attacks in the past few weeks as the end of the rainy season facilitates movements in the bush. Maiduguri is the provincial capital of northeast Nigeria’s Borno state and the epicenter of Boko Haram’s seven-year armed attempt to create a regional Islamic caliphate.
Boko Haram’s insurgency has killed about 15,000 people and displaced more than 2 million. In early 2015, the group controlled an area the size of Belgium but has been pushed out from most of territory by the Nigerian military with help from neighboring countries.
The group split in two last year, with one faction led by Shekau from the Sambisa forest and the other, allied to Islamic State and led by Abu Musab al-Barnawi, based in the Lake Chad region.
(Reporting by Ardo Abdullahi in Bauchi and Ahmed Kingimi in Maiduguri; Writing by Paul Carsten; Editing by Raissa Kasolowsky)
7th Commencement of the Orotta School of Medicine and Dentistry
Asmara, 16 January 2017 – In its 7th Commencement the Orotta School of Medicine and Dentistry graduated 36 doctors on 14 January following 8 years of education in General Medicine.
The Minister of Health, Ms. Amina Nurhussein underlined that the institution is producing medical professionals equipped with specialized skills.
Pointing out that producing quality human resource in medical sector is part and parcel of the investment being made in the national reconstruction and development programs, Minister Amina reminded the graduates of the heavy responsibility that is awaiting them in delivering quality health services.
Dr. Haile Mihtsun, Dean of the Orotta School of Medicine and Dentistry on his part pointed out the speedy advancements observed in medical science has significant impact in the development of health services in the country. He further underlined that the graduates have passed the international standard examinations with great success.
Reaffirming commitment to serve the people with dedication, the graduates commended the exemplary role and support parents and instructors displayed during their 8 years of learning experience.
Established in 2004, the Orotta School of Medicine and Dentistry has to-date graduated 243 doctors in General Medicine and 20 in Dentistry.